Four years. I can't figure out where the time has gone. A'driana will be three next month. I've been in Utah for over three years. I hate this time of year in Utah. Nobody here knew Ronnie. I try to talk about it, but it's the same old changing subjects. I know they don't understand. I hope they never will.

Here is where I stand four years later:

Lots have changed since Ronnie passed. I've had a few jobs, moved to Utah, became an uncle, became a father, got engaged. There is one thing that hasn't changed. The way I miss him. My thoughts are filled with memories every single minute of every single day. I get angry and jealous when I hear friends talk about their brothers. Mine was taken from me. I take my daughter to the park. I feel guilty because I know Gracie will never have that. It's like there is a war within myself and there will be no winner. I wake up every morning, put on a happy face for the world, but feel empty inside.

I think about how much fun it would have been to go to Disneyland with Ronnie and the girls. Would have been. I hate those words, but that's all life is filled with. What would have or could have been. I miss him now, as I did the day he died. Life will never be the same. I love my daughter, my wife-to-be, and all my friends and family. I am happy with what I've created for myself. But there will always be an empty space where my life as a brother came to an abrupt halt.

Ronnie I love you and miss you more everyday. I will see you again when my name is called.

Love Always,
Jon-Jon